it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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