I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize