Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
