You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
