I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize