took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
