You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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