my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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