I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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