I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
