o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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