You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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