people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
