Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
40s are totally the cure
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
