I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize