u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
