He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
