I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
