I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
third nipple confirmed
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
