I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
All I want is dick and wine.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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