Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
