woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
