Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
