party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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