Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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