No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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