she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
