The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
