This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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