i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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