My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
