i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The struggles of a small town man whore
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
