I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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