I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
