Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
