i just sent this text using only my big toe
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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