Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
