I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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