saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
