While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
