Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
