it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
