: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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