I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
