i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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