its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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