You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize