so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize