How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
