SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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