As long as you're not dating white guys again.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
