There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
