im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
