dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
