I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he puts the penis in happiness.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I cut my penus on the lid.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
