she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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