I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
