Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
