I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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