dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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