how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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