I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
That's intense
im drinking this country out of the recession.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
