I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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