thus making me awesome and them whores
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize