i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
