I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
