I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
