New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
