She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
mondays should just be called national damage control day
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
