he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize