Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
