oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
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