Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
