You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
this is an emotional support booty call
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
