In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
