We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
