The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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