Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
