I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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