Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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