i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
