ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
