i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
